


The Difference It Makes

by dsa_archivist



Category: It's a Wonderful Life (1946), due South
Genre: Christmas, Crossover, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-12-13
Updated: 2000-12-13
Packaged: 2018-11-10 04:38:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: 'It's a Wonderful Life' for Ray Kowalski. First story so be kind.





	The Difference It Makes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

lifexmas

 

Due South and all it's wonderful characters belongs to Alliance.  
Please don't copy, link or download,  without permission from the  
author. Touched By and Angel characters are property of CBS/WB. A Due  
South twist on **It's** _A Wonderful Life_. Probabl been done  
before, but hey, this is my favorite holiday film and I couldn't resist  
the temptation. Probably needs a beta reader, any takers for my next  
story?

Spoilers for Asylum, Ladies Man and Eclipse. 

written by-A Chicago Flatfoot   
  ****

**THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES**   
    
    
    
  

        Ray Kowalski was having a very bad week. It was Christmas Eve and   
the end of his year seemed to be headed into the same rotten pit it had   
begun with. He was swamped with cases that he had hardly started on.   
He'd just had to investigate the murder of a six-year-old girl, found raped   
and mutilated in a dumpster behind a restaurant. The suspect was a kid   
whose family had more money than God did and could afford a longwinded,   
ruthless lawyer. 

        They had an eye witness place Garrett Tidwell at the playground   
where the little girl had disappeared. However, another man had dropped of a heart attack on the walking path and paramedics had been called to the   
scene. It was chaos after that and the lawyers insisted the witness' attention   
had been diverted and perhaps her recollection not completely accurate. 

        Tidwell's presence had been arrogantly explained, as it was a public   
park, and he had every right to be there. It could not be proven he had   
even spoken with the victim, Teresa Wallace. Tidwell had a reputation for   
liking little girls and charges had been brought against him before for being a   
suspected pedhophile. The charges were always unfounded or dismissed.   
The witness would back down in the wake of the Tidwell's merciless   
lawyers. 

        Welsh and Stella had agreed Tidwell would probably walk because   
they only had circumstantial evidence. However, they all suspected he was   
their man. Tidwell had not batted an eyelash when they showed him the   
photos of what was left of Teresa's mutilated body. He just sat there,   
arrogantly and remained silent as his lawyer did the talking for him. 

        Ray had managed to hold on to his temper, until Tidwell whispered   
something to him in passing. The man knew the police didn't have enough   
evidence to charge him and he seemed to know how volatile Ray was   
becoming. 

        "Dream about me, Detective. I'll be dreaming of Teresa." 

        Ray lost it and lunged at the man with barely contained rage. It took   
Fraser, Welsh, and Huey to pull him off Tidwell. The man laughed at Ray   
while the lawyer threatened assault charges. Tidwell was hustled away as   
the others tried to calm the enraged Detective. 

        Ray was suspended the following day and removed from the   
investigation. Welsh hadn't wanted to do it, but it would be the only thing to   
keep the Detective from having to deal further with Tidwell's relentless legal   
team. Ray had tossed his badge and gun on the Lieutenant's desk and   
stormed out. 

        Now Ray sat in his prized GTO, headed no where in particular, just   
feeling the urge to drive. His gaze wandered to Teresa's file on the seat next   
to him, with the picture of Tidwell pinned to the cover. Just another slimy   
bastard slipping through the hands of justice, why should he care, right? But,   
Ray did care, perhaps too much at times. It was possible that because it was the Christmas season it seemed more horrendous a crime, or the fact that the victim was a child, that Ray could not let it go easily. Either way he was having trouble dealing with it. 

        It was the season for forgiveness and good will toward men, but Ray   
had none of these feelings left inside him. Too many years as a cop had   
washed away the hopeful optimism, he'd had as a rookie, and replaced it with a cynical attitude. A sweet, darling, innocent little girl lost her life and her killer would go free. America was a melting pot all right and all the scum floated to the top in this city. 

        Tidwell would strike again and again. Ray had no doubt of this. The   
smug bastard thought he could get away with murder, and it seemed he was   
correct. The idea that they would have to wade through the precious, bodies   
of more little girls, until Tidwell made a big enough mistake for conviction   
made Ray physically ill. 

        On top of that, his parents had headed back to Arizona for Christmas   
and Stella was spending the holidays with her newest beau. Fraser and Dief   
were taking holiday time and heading back home to Canada for a visit. Ray would be alone again this year and it hurt more than it should have. 

        He was living another man's life because he had made such a mess of   
his own. He had become a cop to make a difference and he hadn't done   
a damn thing to be proud of. The crooks he chased either outsmarted him or   
used their money and power to rise above Ray's efforts. Half the time,   
Fraser made him feel useless and the other half Ray spent trying to impress   
the Mountie. 

        Ray wished he could be the kind of cop his partner was,  honest and able to see the good in all people. Always on the side of justice regardles of the circumstance. Of course, Fraser could afford that optimism, Mountie's always got their man. Ray wasn't a Mountie. He was a burned out, flat foot cop with experimental hair, who didn't trust anyone, except his partner. 

        His parents had little use for him. They had another son in Arizona who   
had given them grandchildren and a steady daughter in law. Stella certainly   
didn't need him for anything, she had always been independent and it was   
Ray who had always needed her. Fraser needed him to protect Vecchio's   
cover and for no other reason. The Mountie could take on Chicago and   
fight crimes single-handed; Ray wasn't really required. 

        It wouldn't make a bit of difference in anyone's life if Ray had never   
been born. His father never would have suffered disappointment in Ray's   
becoming a cop. Stella would have met and married someone more suitable   
to her station, Fraser would have continued fighting crime with whoever   
covered for Vecchio. Welsh, Frannie, the Duck Boys, Elaine, no one's life   
would be any different without Ray. He was just an annoying fixture to be   
tolerated. Everyone would be better off or at least no more the worse for   
wear. 

        Ray had a mind to get good and drunk, but the pain and desolation would still be there tomorrow when he woke up. Christmas, what   
a waste of a good holiday. All Christmas had come to mean to Ray was   
more crime, paperwork, and a whole lot of nights spent alone. He hated   
Christmas. He hated his life. He hated whoever decided to put him on this   
Godforsaken planet, knowing what a screw up he would turn out to be. 

        "Yeah, " he muttered, "Merry freakin' Christmas." His foot pressed   
harder on the accelerator as he neared the bridge ahead of him.   
    
  

              \---------------------------------------- 

        Ray groaned and lifted his head from the snow bank he was laying in.   
He wasn't really cold, just slightly chilled and he wondered how he had   
gotten out of the car. He lifted a hand to touch the throbbing wound on his   
forehead. Luckily, it wasn't bleeding very much at the moment, and he   
glanced over where the GTO should be. It wasn't there. 

        He frowned. He couldn't have been thrown that far from the vehicle.   
 He thought he'd aimed for the water, so how did he end up out here? He stumbled about to survey the white surroundings and saw no sign of his precious car. Was it at the bottom of the river? If so, how had he   
ended up on the bank just below the bridge? 

        Thoughts of his father strangling him slowly, entered his mind at the loss of the classic GTO, but he shook them away with a shiver. Okay, so even at thirty odd years of age he had a heathy respect for his dad, as well as a heathy fear, couldn't help that now could he? In his mind he knew his father would never hurt him, Ray wouldn't allow it. However, his heart was still that of a child's at time and he couldn't stop the desire to leave the country, quickly, before hie father found out about the car. 

        Slowly, he rose to his feet and moved forward, trying to shake his   
head clear. He remembered feeling pretty damn depressed and maybe   
driving a little faster than he should have. He had started over the bridge and   
hit a patch of ice. He had done all he could to steady the car, but the tires   
continued to slide on the slick road. 

        There had been a school bus coming from the other side, loaded with   
kids for a festive holiday outing. Instinctively, Ray knew that if he hit the bus   
it might be propelled over the side. He had no choice but to try and steer in   
the opposite direction and his car slammed through the railing. He   
remembered his stomach rising in his throat and his hands darting up to   
protect his face as the GTO slid off the bridge and plunged toward the icy   
river below. 

        Yet, now there was no sign of the bus or his car. Part of him wondered   
if he was dead and this was some sort of limbo. It sure didn't seem like   
Heaven, people shouldn't feel cold in Heaven, should they? 

        His first instinct was to call Fraser, the Mountie would help, but then he remembered his partner had gone to Canada for the holidays. His second thought was Welsh, the Lieutenant would still be at the station, hovering as he often did this, their busiest time of the year. 

        However, when he reached inside his jacket he could not find his cell   
phone. A feeling of foreboding entered him as he realized his holsters and   
spare gun were also gone. Had he been robbed? Was that why he couldn't   
find the car? Someone had dragged him from it, robbed him, and left him to   
freeze to death in the snow. 

        His wallet, his watch, even his bracelet was gone. That really pissed   
him off. He scrambled up the slope and started walking toward the main   
road, until he saw the lights of a gas station and stumbled toward it. He was   
really starting to get cold now. He needed to find a phone, but he had no   
change, so it would have to be a collect call. 

        He stepped up to the store and went to the pay phone on the side of the building. He dialed the precinct but it was busy so he tried the Vecchio's home number instead. Maybe, they hadn't left for church yet. He was surprised to hear the number was disconnected. He tried the precinct again. The operator finally answered. 

        "Police Department-district 27 how may I direct your call?" 

        "Lieutenant Welsh," Ray demanded and was put on hold for a   
moment. The operator returned and said. 

        "I'm sorry there is no one working here by that name, may I find   
someone else for you?" 

        Ray frowned. What did she mean Welsh wasn't there? The beefy   
Lieutenant was always there? Just his luck to get a new operator- he   
supposed. He tried again. 

        "He's the Lieutenant there. Try his extension, it's 5543." 

        The operator told him to hold a moment, and then a female voice came   
on the line. "Squad room, Captain Roddens speaking." 

        Ray scowled. "Um...could I speak to Lieutenant Welsh please?" 

        "Who is this?" she demanded. 

        "Ray Vecchio, who is this?" 

        "You can't be Ray Vecchio and I do not appreciate crank calls,   
mister." 

        The woman hung up and Ray stared at the phone, angrily. Who the hell   
was that? What was going on? He slammed the phone down and moved   
away from the store. The precince was only a few blocks, he'd go see Welsh personally and then have a word with that bitch on the phone. 

        When he finally entered the 27th, he was glad for it's warmth and   
familiar atmosphere. Jack Huey stopped him as he walked into the   
squadroom. 

        "Can I help you?" the Detective asked. 

        . Ray smirked. "Yeah, Huey," he said. "Get outta my way." 

        Huey frowned at him. "Do I know you?" 

        Ray glared at him. Was everybody in on this game or what? 

        "It's me!" he insisted. Huey still didn't allow him to pass. "Com'on,   
move. I gotta see the Lieutenant." 

        "You mean the Captain." 

        "No, I mean Welsh, I gotta talk to Welsh, now move." 

        Jack Huey's frown deepened into an angry scowl. "Lieutenant Welsh   
hasn't worked in this precinct for almost a year fella. So, who ever you are   
you'd better beat it before I...." 

        "Have you been nipping too much egg nog, Huey?" Ray questioned.   
"What're you talking about? Where is Welsh?" 

        Huey folded his arms across his chest, menacingly. "Lieutenant Welsh   
was forced to resign because one of his Detectives had been charged for   
tampering with the evidence." 

        Ray gasped in shock. "No!" he declared. "I fixed that, remember? It's me, Ray Vecchio." 

    "Detective Vecchio's dead-you are not Ray Vecchio," Huey supplied, slowly. "I knew Ray Vecchio, fella, and you don't look anything like him." 

        Ray shook his head, confused. What the hell was this about anyway? Was Huey pulling his leg or something?   
    
        "No, no I...I was pretending to be him when he went undercover, remember-I'm Ray Kowalski!" 

       "I thought you said your name was Vecchio?" Huey sneered. 

        "It is...I mean...I was undercover. What the hell is going on?" 

        Ray  cast a frantic look about the room, hoping someone would recognize him, but no one even glanced his way. Either it was all a big hoax, or something was terribly wrong. Another officer moved toward him. 

        "It's okay, guy," the man soothed. "Why don't you let us help you?" 

        Ray stared at them bewildered. He took a cautious step back. They   
thought he was crazy! Hell, he was beginning to think it. He shook his head   
and stumbled backwards. 

        "No...no thanks, I'm fine, really." He darted away as Huey made a   
grab for him. He hurried out of the precinct at a full run. As he stepped   
outside his foot slipped on some ice and fell forward into the snow. 

        "Are you all right?" a soft voice inquired. 

        Ray glanced up at a young woman with hair the color of the richest   
flame, framing  pale, delicate features. She had the sweetest Irish accent Ray had ever heard. She wore a shimmering gown of white, but no coat or hat to   
ward off the December chill. 

        "Yah, I...I'm just confused dat's all," he muttered as he slowly rose. 

        "Of course you are," she agreed easily. "It's not everyone who gets to   
start from scratch." He stared at her, suspiciously. 

        "What?" he demanded. "Look, lady I don't know who's crazier, you or   
me but..." 

        "You aren't crazy, Ray," she assured calmly. "Your wish has been   
granted." 

        Ray's eyebrows rose. "What wish?" 

        The woman only offered him a sad smile. 

        Ray cast her a skeptical look and took a step back, cautiously.   
Christmas brought out all the freaks in this city that was for sure. He almost   
felt sorry for her, almost. He had enough of his own delusions to deal with;   
he didn't need to add hers to his plate. 

        "Yeah, okay," he soothed, warily. "You...er...have a nice Christmas   
now. I..ah...have to go. See ya." 

        "Yes you will, Ray," she agreed, undisturbed by his mistrust. 

        Ray had turned and started to walk away, only to slam into someone   
coming from the opposite way. He quickly steadied them both and offered   
his apologies. 

        "I'm sorry I wasn't...Frannie!" He smiled and moved to   
embrace her. Francesca Vecchio stepped back, cautiously and Ray   
scowled. "What's wrong, Frannie? It's me, Ray." 

        "I...I don't know how you know my name, Mister," Francesca began   
warily, "but, I don't know who you are, so just keep your distance." 

        Ray felt as though he had been doused with ice water. She was   
clutching her purse to her and watching him suspiciously. There was   
something different about her, something he couldn't put his finger on. She   
seemed...less alive than he knew her to be. Large, dark glasses shielded her   
eyes and a blue scarf hid most of her face from his direct view. Her coat   
was a heavy, raglan that looked more like a man's coat really, and engulfed   
her from head to toe.   
    
        "What happened to you?" he asked her, concerned. This frightened,   
lifeless version of his pretend sister scared him. 

        "W...what do you mean?" she stammered, still obviously uncertain   
about him. "Who are you? How do you know me?" 

        "You really don't recognize me, Frannie?" he inquired, hurt when she   
shyly shook her head 

        "She doesn't know you because you never existed, Ray," that same   
gentle voice concluded and he turned to see the woman in white perched on   
the back of a bus stop bench. "As I said, your wish was granted." 

        "This isn't a freakin' movie and I ain't Jimmy Stewart!" Ray growled at   
her, then immediately regretted it as Francesca quickly put more distance   
between them, cautiously. 

        "I never said you were!" she countered, bewildered. "I told you, I don't   
know you." 

        Ray glanced back at the Woman in White, who just smiled, sympathetically. He turned his attention back to Francesca and bit the inside   
of his cheek thoughtfully. He didn't understand what was going on, but he   
didn't want to frighten her any further. 

        "I...I'm a friend of your brother." There, that wasn't quite a lie. He was   
surprised to see her eyes fill with tears. 

        "Ray?" she asked breathlessly, and for a moment he thought maybe   
she did recognize him, but then she continued. "You knew my brother,   
Ray?" 

        "Yeah," he agreed, hesitantly. "You could say we were close enough to   
be brothers." Francesca shook her head puzzled, but he could see she was   
growing more comfortable around him. 

        "What's your name?" 

        "Ray Vec..." Oops, almost did it. "Um...Ray Kowalski." Francesca's   
eyes widened. 

        "Your name is Ray too?" she observed surprised, and he nodded.   
"My...I don't remember my brother mentioning you." She tilted her head to   
regard him further. "Did you work with him? Are you a cop too?" 

        "Yes, I am," Ray confirmed and watched her grow sad again. "Where   
is your brother, Frannie?" 

        "He...he's gone," she replied and lowered her eyes, desolately. "He   
was killed while undercover." 

        The news hit Ray like a punch to the gut and he staggered backwards into the lamppost. Huey had said Vecchio was dead but Ray never considered...He quelled the naseau risning in his stomach. He could just imagine what the mob had done to him. 

        Francesca reached to steady him, concerned. 

        "Didn't you know? I thought everyone did. I'm sorry." 

        "H...How?" Ray croaked. "I...someone was supposed to...to cover   
for him here. How...?" 

        "Another Detective did go under cover as my brother," she admitted,   
sadly. "But there was some kind of mix up about some drugs or evidence or   
something. Detective Graudner was posing as Ray, but he was afraid of   
going to jail, I guess, and he admitted he wasn't really my brother." Francesca shook her head, morosely. "The mob found out and they...they..." She covered her face in her hands and started to cry. 

        That would explain why Welsh was no longer at the station, but it still   
didn't make sense to Ray. Admittedly, he had been a little preoccupied that   
day with his own personal vendetta, but he had come in and straightened it out. After Fraser tormented him non stop and made him feel guilty for neglecting his duties that is. 

        He remembered specifically because he had told the agents the 10 kilo's of cocaine in the logbook was actually a one with a happy face. Then he had demanded their star witness pick him out of a line up. Of course, the snitch would be looking for the real Vecchio, a tall, smartly dressed, balding Itallian. Kowalski, was a strictly jeans and T-shirt guy with a full head of  blond hair and much paler features. He knew the guy wouldn't choose him, so the agents had no case after that. 

        Ray managed to collect himself and his own raging emotions, to place   
a gentle arm around her and guide her to a nearby bench. She sniffed and   
pulled her glasses off to wipe at her tears, but she kept her face lowered   
from his prying eyes. However, she didn't pull away from his touch and for   
that Ray was grateful. 

        "I'm sorry," she whispered and replaced her glasses. "I'm usually not so   
emotional." 

        Ray frowned. It wasn't like the Francesca Vecchio he knew to be   
afraid to show her emotions? That was a contradiction in terms for the   
normally fiery, Italian woman he had come to know and care for. This was   
all confusing the hell out of him. Ray didn't know if he had stepped into an   
episode of the Twilight Zone or if he was just loosing his mind. Had   
everything that had happened the past year with Fraser and the Vecchio's   
been just a dream? Were none of the adventures real? 

        Still, he obviously wouldn't get any answers by insisting he was who he   
said he was. Somehow, things had changed, whether it was part of some   
kind of outrageous plot or conspiracy, he didn't know. He did know that if   
he were to learn anything, he would have to be a stranger to those who   
seemed not to know him. 

        A knot of fear welled up in his throat as he asked his next question   
"Um...Frannie, can...can you tell me what happened to Fraser?" 

        Francesca shook her head quickly and stood. "I have to go," she   
suddenly decided and Ray rose with her. 

        Ray reached out imploringly. "I'll walk you to your car," he offered 

        "That's okay," she refused, "I don't live very far. I can walk." 

        Ray frowned; the Vecchio's house was at least a fifteen-minute drive   
from the precinct. "Let me walk you home, then?" 

        After a moment's hesitation, Francesca nodded and turned away. 

        Ray fell in step beside her, putting himself between her and the road,   
protectively. His head was swimming with all that she had told him, but he   
had to find out about Fraser. What had happened to his friend and partner   
and why did Francesca not want to talk about it? What the hell was going   
on? Was he really going crazy? 

        "Don't you see, Ray?" a soft voice encouraged from behind them.   
"Everyone makes a difference in the lives of others." 

        Ray turned around, startled 

        "Who are you?" he demanded and 

        Francesca drew to a halt and cast him an odd look. 

        "Frannie, remember?" she reminded, puzzled. "I thought you knew   
me?" 

        "Not you, Frannie," Ray amended and indicated the woman behind   
them. "Her." Francesca frowned and looked behind them. 

        "Who?" 

        "Don't you see her?" 

        "See who?" Francesca stepped back, cautiously. "Did you hit your   
head when we collided?" 

        "You are the only one who can see me, Ray," the woman informed.   
"My name is Monica and I am an Angel." 

        Ray blinked, then shook his head, wearily. He was loosing it. Maybe   
this was a strange version of hell. He didn't understand what this Monica   
woman was trying to do. Beautiful or not, she was obviously loony-toons.   
Apparently, Ray wasn't far behind her in that respect. 

        There was no way he was going to believe he was suddenly in a   
remake of _'It's A Wonderful Life._ ' Or ' _A Christmas Carol_ '. That was fiction, this was real. Or, it was supposed to be real. Ghost and Angels and   
whatever didn't really exist and he was getting pretty annoyed with this   
woman. 

        She was confusing him and he didn't know what was real anymore and   
what was a dream. She kept mentioning a wish, but Ray didn't know   
what she was referring to. He hadn't made any wishes, so what the hell was   
she talking about? 

        "Are you still going to walk me home, Ray?" Francesca inquired,   
concerned. 

        Ray looked toward Monica but she was no longer there. Okay, better   
call in a reservation for the funny farm, Kowalski. Make sure it's a nice   
padded suite at that. He turned his attention back to Francesca. 

        "Yes, sure, of course," he assured and they started walking again.   
"Sorry, I...I guess I'm just...having a hard time dealing with what you told   
me." 

        Francesca nodded in sad understanding. 

        "It was a shock to all of us," she agreed as they came to a small, run down Brownstone house. "Here we are. Why don't you come in and have some hot chocolate, it will warm, you up." 

        Ray regarded the house, confused, but followed her inside anyway. 

        "You live here?" he asked, once they had stepped inside the front   
porch. 

        "Yes, Ma, and me" she replied, as she led him up a long flight of stairs. 

        "What about Maria, Tony and the kids?" he demanded and she paused   
at the top to regard him. He still couldn't see her face very well and that   
bothered him. 

        "Ray must have told you a lot about us," she mused, with a hint of   
suspicion. "It's funny he never mentioned you." 

        Ray cursed himself and quickly backed off. He was glad he was experienced in undercover work, and that making up lies on a spur of the moment came easy to him. 

        "Ray liked to talk about his family, he probably didn't mention me as much because we...only worked together occasionally." 

        Ray waited to see if she bought the lie and was relieved when she   
began walking again. He followed her to the room at the end of the corridor   
and waited for her to open the door to the small studio apartment. 

        "We don't have a lot, but I could fix you a sandwich or something, if   
you're hungry?" she offered as they stepped inside. Ray glanced around and   
his scowl deepened. 

        The apartment was very small, barely enough room for the small   
kitchenette and living area/bedroom. A large, King-sized bed took up the   
wall directly across from them, with a second hand dresser next to it. A   
simply upholstered chair and sofa sat in the middle of the room. There was a   
small television and a few assorted knickknacks. A familiar figure sat in the   
chair, facing the chair. 

        "Ma," Francesca greeted as she removed her coat, scarf and glasses to   
set them aside. "Ma we have company, a friend of Ray's." 

        Ray Kowalski was stunned at the terrible scars that covered one side   
of Francesca Vecchio's face. What had happened to her to cause such   
disfigurement? She turned and caught him staring. Lowering her eyes, she   
reached up to touch the scars, absently. 

        "I was in a fire," she explained softly. "Someone burned our house   
down almost a year ago." 

        "NO!" Ray emphatically refused. 

        That wasn't right at all. He and Fraser had gotten there in time to get   
her and Tony out. The upstairs of the house was damaged inside but the fire   
department managed to save the lower half and the structure. He   
remembered Fraser helping Francesca and Tony out of the window; Ray   
had helped them reach the ground himself. 

        "W...what about Tony?" he managed to croak. 

        Francesca moved to put the kettle on. "He didn't make it," she stated,   
quietly, her back to him. "Maria took the kids and left, she couldn't stay here   
anymore and Ma and me moved in here." 

        "But...what about..." Me Ray was about to say. He had been there,   
what had he been doing? "Didn't Fraser have any help?" Francesca gripped   
the counter and flexed her back rigidly. 

        "Fraser only had enough time to get one of us out because Graudner   
didn't know where we lived and had argued with Fraser on the directions.   
Then he had been afraid to get out of his car and help. Fraser managed to   
get me out, but I had already been burned by then." She shook her head   
sadly. "My brother-in-law Tony didn't make it out " 

        No! He and Fraser made it! They did, Ray did get out of the car and   
he...He was going to be sick. 

        "Um...bathroom," he managed and Francesca quickly showed him   
where it was. Once inside he barely made it to the toilet before he started   
retching. 

        Later, after he had managed to compose himself, Ray returned to find   
Francesca just pouring the chocolate. She immediately moved to touch his   
forehead. 

        "Are you ill? Do you have a fever?" Her concern was almost his   
undoing and he shook his head. She regarded him a moment longer then   
picked up one of the mugs and moved over to the woman seated in the   
recliner. . "Ma? Ma do you want some coco?" 

        Ray followed, hesitantly and the startling sight of the older woman   
robbed him of his breath. 

        Ma Vecchio, who was always so vibrant and hearty, had wasted away   
to maybe a hundred and twenty pounds, if she was that. Her clothes literally hung on her decrepit looking body. Her hair had gone completely gray and her face showed her to be even older than she was. Her eyes were dark and void of any feeling. 

        "What happened to you, Ma?" Ray couldn't help but whisper, as he   
crouched beside her chair and took her cold hand in his. 

        Francesca watched him puzzled, as she wrapped her Mother's other   
hand around a mug of chocolate."She had a stroke after Tony died and   
then, when we found out about Ray, " she shrugged. "She never recovered.   
She doesn't speak hardly at all, just sits here all day and stares at nothing.   
But, I can't put her in a home, it wouldn't be right." 

        "Oh, Ma," Ray murmured and reached up to gently caress the   
woman's gaunt features. Both he and Francesca were startled when Mrs.   
Vecchio seemed to move into his touch. 

        "Raimundo?" she sighed, in a thick voice, husky from lack of use. 

        "Oh, Ma," Ray found himself telling her. "I'm so sorry." 

        Francesca Vecchio blinked furiously at the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as her Mother actually turned to look at the man next to her. She raised a trembling hand to his face. 

        "Not my Raimundo," she observed, quietly as she caressed his cheek.   
"You are the other, but like my Raimundo." 

        Ray nodded, unable to force the words past the baseball sized lump in his throat. For whatever reason, Mrs. Vecchio remembered him and Ray was grateful, even if he didn't understand it. 

        "A kiss for your Mama, my boy?" she requested and Ray obediently leaned in to softly touch his lips to her cheek . 

        Mrs. Veccchio sighed again then dropped her hand back to her lap.   
She resumed her staring and Ray rose, slowly to meet Francesca's gaze. 

        "What did she mean?" she demanded, curiously. "Ma hardly ever talks   
anymore. How did she know you?" 

        "I...met her once," Ray fudged, sadly, "a long time ago." Francesca   
moved to embrace him. 

        "Then, thank you," she offered, sniffing. "You've given her something to   
hold on to, I think. It's the first time she's responded to anyone in almost a   
year." 

        Ray returned the hug then stepped back. "I better go," he stated and   
moved toward the door. 

        "Are you sure you're okay?" she repeated, obviously not convinced.   
"Maybe...maybe you could stay around and...talk awhile?" 

        Ray was shocked at the desperate loneliness reflected in her dark   
eyes. Frannie had always been outgoing and determined. She never made   
excuses for who she was and she went after what she wanted. Never, in   
Ray's wildest dreams, did he ever imagine her so frightened and hesitant   
with anyone. 

        "I'll come back," he assured her and found his hand rising, of it's own   
volition, to caress the scared side of her face. 

        He knew her wounds probably played a large part in her demeanor.   
He slid the pad of his thumb across her cheek and she lowered her eyes,   
ashamed. He caught her chin and gently forced her to meet his gaze. 

        "Don't," he protested, softly. "Don't be ashamed, Frannie. You're still   
beautiful, just in a different way." 

        "I'm hideous," she whimpered and he shook his head. 

        "Your courageous," he corrected. "Don't ever be ashamed because   
you lived through the fire. Use it as your shield against anyone who is too   
ignorant to see past the scars to the woman you are." Francesca's eyes   
misted over and she hugged him, gratefully. 

        "Thank you," she whispered, then quickly stepped away. Ray nodded,   
cast one more look toward Ma, then collected his coat and headed out. 

        Monica was waiting for him on the steps of the brownstone, perched   
on the rail as he stepped outside. He cast her a wary glance then continued   
walking as if he had not seen her. He would go to his apartment, get a   
change of clothes, maybe something to eat. He just needed to calm down.   
There had to be an explanation for all of this.   
    
  

    -------------------------------

        With no money and no transportation, the walk back to his building   
took him a good hour. By the time he arrived, he was shivering from the   
cold and his legs were throbbing painfully. He had once admitted to Fraser   
that he was city fit, boy had he been mistaken. Of course, how many people   
actually walked everywhere in Chicago, other than the Mountie? 

        He was surprised to find two bums sleeping at the doorway of his   
building and he quickly dispersed them. It wasn't much shelter anyway, but it   
made the place look bad. He frowned as he started up the stairs. Graffiti   
spoiled the once pristine walls of the building and it reeked with the smell of   
marijuana. 

        He stepped onto his floor, then remembered he didn't have his keys.   
He turned back toward the stairs with a sigh. His landlady would let him in.   
She lived on the floor below him. He entered the darkened corridor and   
moved to the farthest door at the end of the hallway. He knocked twice and   
waited. 

        "Wha'daya want?" a gruff voice demanded. 

        Ray scowled. "Um...I'd like to speak to Mrs. Petty," he returned and   
a moment later he heard a number of locks being undone. A smelly,   
unshaven and half-dressed man opened the door just enough to see Ray   
fully. 

        "She don't work here no more," he stated. "You wanna rent you talk to   
me." 

        Ray stared at him surprised. "Where...where's Mrs. Petty?" 

        "Couldn't handle the crime in this area so she sold out and moved into   
some home for old folks," The man answered, irritated. 

        "I...I lost my keys and needed to get into my apartment," Ray stated,   
quietly. "3E." 

        "What are you tryin' to pull?" the man demanded. "Ain't no one lived in   
that place since I took over a year ago. Now if you wanna rent I can give ya   
a deal?" 

        "Um...no, no thanks," Ray muttered and stepped back to avoid having   
the door slammed directly in his face. 

       Ray turned around slowly and walked back to the stairwell. Halfway down his legs had demanded relief and he settled wearily on one of the steps. 

        "I don't get it," he admitted aloud. "Why would Mrs. P. move, she   
loved this place." 

        "Some of her tenants were not very nice to her," Monica charged as   
she settled beside him. "Many never made their rent or they would vandalize   
or bully her. She was an old woman, what could she do against them?" 

        Ray dropped his head in his hands 

        "I don't...this was a decent building. At least, it always seemed that way. How could she let people take advantage of her like that?" 

        Monica regarded him, closely. 

        "She fell behind in her mortgage payments and she didn't have anyone to turn to." 

        Ray lifted his head to look at her. 

        "I would have helped her...all she had to do was come and tell me there were problems." 

        "But you don't live here, Ray," Monica reminded. "You never did. She   
didn't know you." 

        "Of course she knew me!" he growled. "I've lived here two and a half   
years for Christ's s sake!" He glowered at her. "Who are you really?" he   
demanded. 

        "I told you, my name is Monica. I'm an Angel sent by God. He heard   
your wish and decided to grant it." 

        Ray bounded off the steps and threw his arms out in frustration. 

        "What wish? I never wished for anything! What the hell are you talking about? What is going on around here?" 

        "You wished you had never been born, Ray," Monica informed, gently.   
"You felt everyone would be better off if you had never existed and so, your   
wish is granted." 

        Ray stared at her. "You're unhinged!" he decided angrily. "This is real   
life, there is no tooth fairy, no happily ever after and no one really gets their   
wishes granted!" 

        "You did, Ray," Monica returned, mildly. 

        Ray turned away from her and headed down the steps. This was all to   
weird and it couldn't be true. Okay, so maybe he was a little depressed   
earlier. He paused, okay, a lot depressed, but things like this didn't happen   
in real life. Yet, the evidence seemed to be all around him. 

        "This couldn't be about me," he refused. "I hardly ever saw Mrs. P. If   
you're trying to say her life was changed because I rented one of her   
apartments, that's crazy." 

        Monica kept pace with his angry strides, easily. 

        "You always made your rent payments on time," she reminded. "If there was a problem in the building, she turned to you to straighten it out." 

        "But...but that was just because I was a cop and it...it didn't happen   
that often I..." 

        "It only took a few times for people to understand she considered you   
her champion, Ray," Monica explained gently. "Everyone knew you were a   
police officer and that you seemed close to Mrs. Petty. They didn't want to   
cause trouble with you around." 

        "It can't be that complicated," Ray refused, lower pulling the collar of   
his coat up against the chill as they stepped outside. "You're saying she had   
to sell and move away because I wasn't here to...to...ward off possible   
criminals?" Monica nodded. "That's insane! I hardly ever spoke to her! I   
hardly spoke to anyone in the building. I helped her out twice, maybe three   
times at the most." 

        "But everyone respected that you would come to your land lady's aid,   
Ray," Monica insisted. "Your respect for her position and her age, made   
everyone respect your presence in this building. Without you here, Mrs.   
Petty was subjected to a harsher element and couldn't cope. She had no   
family, you were her family." Monica smiled. "She is the person that leaves   
those delicious tins of brownies at your door ever Christmas and   
Thanksgiving." 

        Ray blinked in surprise. For the past two years that he had been living   
in his appartment, a mysterious stranger always left the treat for him, but Ray had never known who it was. Mrs. Petty never gave any sign that she knew about it and he knew she was careful of any she let around his apartment when she could be. 

        "I didn't know she was all alone," Ray murmured, regretfully. "I...I just   
assumed she had family I...I never bothered to ask." 

        Monica regarded him, quietly. 

        "What are you thinking, Ray?" she inquired. 

        He paused to glower at her. 

        "Why don't you tell me, you're the Angel, aren't you?" 

        Monica smiled. "It doesn't always work that way," she admitted. 

        "Okay," Ray began, cautiously, "Suppose...just suppose I believe you   
and this is some crazy take on an old movie, why am I cold? Why does my   
head and my legs hurt? Jimmy Stewart never felt any pain or cold with his   
Angel, so what's up with that?"  Monica chuckled. 

        "As you pointed out, Ray, this isn't a movie. I don't know why you seem subject to the elements, unless it is God's way to make you accept that this is really happening." 

        Ray glared at her. Damnit, if that didn't make sense. He growled in   
frustration and started walking again. He crossed the busy street at the   
intersection and found himself outside the city Library. 

        "So what am I..." he began to ask Monica, but when he looked   
around she had disappeared. He looked Heaven ward. "You're startin' ta   
piss me off!" No one answered him and he dropped down dispiritedly on   
the steps. 

        "Oh!" a familiar voice cried, as a pair of legs almost tripped over him.   
He rose quickly, and reached to steady the woman, appalled when she   
recoiled in distaste. 

        "S...Stell?" he whispered in disbelief.  This, trembling, plain   
clothed waif barely resembled the woman he had ever given his heart   
to.   
    
        Stella stared at him with wide, mistrustful eyes, then turned and fled   
down the street. Ray hurried after her wondering what had spooked her so   
badly. He caught up with her just a few feet away. 

        "Leave me alone!" she cried, again acting repulsed when he reached   
for her. She backed into wall of the building behind her and seemed to be   
searching for someone to help her. "Go away! I have no money, just please   
leave me alone!" 

        Ray's heart dropped into his stomach and he felt a floodgate of anguish   
open inside him. 

        "Stell, it's okay, it's me, Ray." 

        Stella shook her head adamantly, pulling her purse to her chest and her   
scarf higher against her face. Her hands clutched her coat lapels as though   
expecting Ray might tear it off of her. Her eyes were limp pools of mistrust   
and she wore no makeup upon her gaunt and pale features. She had lost a   
terrible amount of weight, Ray could see the coat hung on her thin   
bones. Stella had never been a big woman, but now she looked anorexic. 

        "I don't know you," she refused her voice husky with fear. "You leave   
me alone or I'll scream, you hear me?" 

        "I'm not gonna hurt you, Stella," Ray whispered tormented as he tried   
to deal with the terror he seemed to be causing her. "I...we went to school   
together, remember?" 

        Stella's eyes narrowed, suspiciously. 

        "I...no, I don't remember you," she denied, hesitantly. 

        "You...you were gonna become a lawyer," Ray reminded gently,   
trying not to spook her further. 

        Where was his wonderfully brave and confident Stella? What on earth   
had caused her to change so drastically? Stella always cared about her   
appearance and like to have her way. This woman was just a shell of the   
Stella Ray knew. Her coat and boots were old and looked second hand at   
best. She was shaking in his presence and the fear in her eyes tore into his   
heart and soul like a jagged knife. 

        "I...I was," she admitted, startled. "I...how did..." She shook her   
head. "No, I...I never finished school, I...please leave me alone I...I don't   
like the...the way you're looking at me. Please just leave me alone. I've   
nothing to offer you, I don't even like men. I don't like anyone. Please...just   
go away." 

        Ray couldn't have been more shocked by her statements than if she   
had said them with her head spinning around on her shoulders. He couldn't   
force any words past the lump in his throat and Stella took advantage of his   
inability to hurry away. 

        "Why?" he croaked finally, "what...what happened?" 

        "It's a real shame what happened to her," a deep voice commented   
and Ray turned toward the hefty woman next to him with salt and pepper   
hair. Her rich, dark skin contrasted the colorful coat and scarf she wore.   
She held her hand out to him. "Hello, I'm Tess." 

        Ray didn't shake her hand, he could only stare at her. 

        "W...what happened to my Stell?" he managed weakly. 

        "It was some time ago, I'm told," Tess continued, sadly. "She was still   
just a girl, really. An incident in a bank I believe." Ray's throat tightened   
dramatically. "A man walked in to rob the place while she was there and he   
ended up taking her hostage." She shook her head, remorsefully. "He   
managed to elude the police and took Stella with him. She was his prisoner   
for almost three days before he finally let her go." 

        Ray paled visibly and winced as though he had been kicked in the gut. 

        "No, I...it didn't happen like that," he whispered, anguished. 

        Tess shrugged at him. 

        "That's how I heard it. She just closed up and stopped talking to anyone for a long time. Spent most of her life afraid of her own shadow, really." 

        "No," Ray whispered, gripping the lamppost beside him for support. "I   
was there. He...he never took her she...she was okay I..." 

        He shook his head against the visions of what Ellery could have done   
to his beautiful Stella. He never considered how things would turn out if he   
hadn't been at the bank that day. If he hadn't wet himself in fear and been   
declared a hero for distracting the robber. 

        Still, he couldn't believe that would be enough to keep Stella from   
achieving her goals. She had been so sure so...determined in what she   
wanted to do with her life. 

        "Are you okay, baby?" Tess inquired, softly and Ray nodded, dazed. 

        He stumbled to a nearby bench and dropped down upon it. He braced   
his swimming head in his head. This was too much. Not his Stella. She had   
to be better off without having met and married him. She always said their   
marriage had been a mistake. 

        "Have...did she..." He forced his tongue to work around the sudden   
dryness of his mouth. "Do you know if she...if Stell ever married?" 

        "Oh, I think she went out with someone for a little while in high   
school," Tess admitted. "A Freddy Tausher, I believe." 

        Ray nodded. Freddy had been rich and important, his parents were   
both in politics. Stella's folks had always insisted she would be better of with   
Freddy than with Ray, since Freddy was better matched to her social   
standing. 

        "W...what happened?" he asked, painfully. 

        "Oh, there were all sorts of rumors," Tess insisted. "They got married   
straight out of school and Freddy went off to college." 

        "W...why didn't Stella go?" 

        Tess settled next to him. 

        "She was busy raising their daughter. That and Freddy didn't want his wife working.Stella just couldn't stand up for herself with him, I suppose. She was still traumatized from being kidnapped." 

        Ray felt the pain pierce his heart and was sure he was close to dying.   
Stella  had a child, a child with another man. Oh God where was the justice   
in that? Ray had loved her with all of his heart but she hadn't wanted   
children with him. Her career came first. Perhaps, Freddy had been better   
for her. But, then, why wasn't she home with her family now, why did she   
say she hatted men? 

        "Unfortunately, Freddy wasn't a very faithful husband," Tess continued,   
watching him closely. "After a few years he divorced Stella, took their   
daughter and moved to Europe with his new love and left poor Stella   
penniless. She had no skills and this job at the library was all she could find, given ehr quiet and timid demenor." 

        "W...what about her folks?" Ray inquired, softly. He had always tried   
to give Stella everything she wanted when they were married, even when they cound't afford it, how could   
Freddy do that to her? 

        "They blamed her for not taking better care of her family and said she   
was on her own," Tess replied, sadly. "Stella had no confidence in herself   
and no real friends so she believed she deserved it and accepted their   
dismissal." 

        "No," Ray moaned, bereft. "Stella was beautiful and smart...the   
smartest person I knew. She...her folks tried to control her but she stood   
up to them she...she wanted to be a lawyer and...and she is...was..would be a really good one. She just needed to get away from her folks and be independent. She...she just needed..." 

        "Love, caring, support?" Tess suggested, knowingly and he matched   
her gaze surprised. "She never got out from under her parents thumb, Ray.   
There was no one there to lavish her with encouragement and unconditional   
love. No one would accept who she wanted to be and she was too timid to argue with their oppinion." 

        "I accepted her," he whispered. "I loved her. Anything she wanted to   
do I..." He paused and cast her a suspicious glance. "How did you know   
my name?" 

        Tess chuckled. "I know all about you, baby," she assured patting his   
knee affectionately. "We all do." 

        "We?" he squeaked and she nodded. "You...you mean you're   
like...like..." 

        "Monica?" Tess supplied, smiling. "Yes, Baby. I'm an Angel too." She   
chuckled again at his low groan and watched him hang his head once more. 

        "I'm loosing my mind, aren't I?" he sighed and she shook her head. 

        "No, Baby," she denied. "You're just getting your wish." 

        "I don't understand any of this," he admitted, reluctantly. He lifted his   
gaze to hers. "What about my folks? What about Fraser? Have they   
changed to? What's happened to them?" 

        "Come with me and I'll show you," Tess offered kindly, holding out her   
hand as she rose. 

                      \--------------------   
  

        Ray  had linked his fingers with Tess' and moments later they were in   
front of the house where Ray grew up. It looked exactly the same as he   
remembered it, although it was devoid of the usual festive decorations his   
parents used to hang this time of the year. 

        "They sold this house," he murmured. "They bought a mobile home and   
moved to Arizona." 

        "They made that trip because your father was running away from your   
decision to be a police officer," Tess reminded, softly. "Since you were   
never born, you and your father never argued and there seemed no need to   
move." 

        "But that's a good thing, right?" Ray pounced, needing to find some   
good in all this misery. "Mum never wanted to leave this place so it's good   
she got to stay here, right?" 

        Tess shrugged, noncommittally. "If you say so, Baby." 

        "They won't know me either, will they?" Ray remembered, sadly as he   
brushed the snow from the porch railing, wistfully. 

        How many times had he and his father built a snowman on this very   
lawn? Or rolled around on the grass playing some sport or another. He   
always helped his dad string the Christmas lights then he'd spend the rest of   
the day in the kitchen helping his Mother cook. Summers spent working on   
the GTO, cooler evenings playing a board game with his folks and Stella. 

        Ray blinked away the sudden rush of tears flooding his eyes. But, it   
was still okay, right? They had to be better off without Ray to disappoint   
them over and over. Surely they were happier having stayed in Chicago and   
not having to leave because of Ray and his father's arguing. 

        "Hello, can I help you?" Barbara Kowalski suddenly asked from the   
doorway and Ray stumbled back from the porch, guiltily. She looked the   
same, but the usual vibrancy in her eyes had dulled dramatically. 

        Ray waited to see if she recognized him, but when she just continued   
to wait for a response he shook his head. 

        "We...I used to live here." He found himself stating and Barbara's eyes sparked with interest." 

        "Really?" she countered, curiously. "We've lived here for over thirty   
years. When did you live here?" 

        Ray realized his mistake and was glad when Tess quickly corrected his   
statement. 

        "He means his folks used to live here," she amended, smiling. "I was   
just showing him where they lived, a nostalgia sort of thing." 

        Barbara Kowalski smiled, but it never reached her eyes. She held the   
door open wider. "Come on in then and take a look around if you like." 

        Ray hesitated, the urge to stop and embrace his Mother almost   
overwhelmed him, but he managed to make it through the door without   
touching her. Tess followed close behind, thanking Barbara for her   
hospitality and introducing herself and Ray, using just the Detective's first   
name. 

        They entered the living room and Ray spotted Damien Kowalski   
seated in his chair by the fireplace. Barbara quickly explained the situation. 

        "You lookin' to buy the place, then?" his father asked and Tess shook   
her head. 

        "No, we're just revisiting old haunts, that sort of thing," she replied. She   
noticed that Ray could not tear his eyes away from his father, who looked   
so much older than he remembered. "Being Christmas we felt it was a good   
time to remember the delights of childhood." 

        Damien Kowalski snorted and buried his face back in his paper.   
Barbara Kowalski shot him an angry look then turned back to her guests. 

        "Have a look around," she offered, through gritted teeth. The tension in   
the room could be cut with a knife. "My husband doesn't like people much   
and he has the manners of a block of wood." 

        "Keep it up, Barbara," Damien warned from his paper. "Divorce is   
around the corner." 

        "I should be so lucky," Barbara sighed in disgust and led Tess and Ray   
to the kitchen. 

        Ray was in shock from his parent's behavior. They had never spoken   
to each other that way. In Ray's entire life, he had barely ever seen them   
argue. They would playfully bicker, but there had been no teasing in the   
words they just exchanged. 

        "This is lovely, you've really done wonders with the place," Tess   
commented as Barbara led them through the house. "Did you decorate it   
yourself?" 

        Ray paused in the doorway of what used to be his room as the two   
women continued to chat. There was nothing familiar about it, as it had been   
turned into a study. There were hardly any pictures on the walls throughout   
the house, which was strange indeed. His Mother used to love displaying   
photos of their family and would claim any wall space she could find. They   
used to tease her that they would open it up to the public as an art exhibit. 

        "Where...where are the children's rooms, Mu..." Ray caught himself in   
time from calling her mum. "Mrs. Kowalski?" 

        She turned to look at him startled and sadness swept over her face. It   
was quickly replaced with a bitterness that Ray felt did not suit her at all. 

        "We had a son," she admitted, rigidly. "But we lost him when he was   
twelve and we...we weren't blessed with anymore." 

        Ray's stomach lurched into his throat. His brother couldn't be dead.   
Adam was almost five years older than him. How could Ray not being here   
have affected Adam? It wasn't true, there had to be a reason. 

        "How..." he swallowed, hard. "He died?" 

        "Oh no," Barbara returned, quickly. "He ran away and we never found   
him." She shook her head. "I can't say that I blamed him. Damien and   
I...well we weren't getting along very well and...well. We tried to have   
another child after Adam, but I suppose it wasn't meant to be." She smiled   
wistfully. "I keep thinking if we had managed it, perhaps Damien and I   
would have grown closer and Adam wouldn't have been subjected to the   
horror that is our marriage." 

        "You think having another child would have brought you closer   
together?" Tess inquired, gently. 

        Barbara nodded. She didn't know why she was telling these strangers   
the intimate details of her life, but they so rarely had visitors and she and   
Damien barely spoke anymore. 

        "Yes, well, you see, I was pregnant with Adam when I met my   
husband," she admitted and glanced at Ray as he gasped. "Oh, don't look   
so shocked. Granted, it didn't happen much in my day as it does now, and it   
was certainly frowned upon, but it did happen." She shrugged, helplessly as   
she led them back to the kitchen. "He married me anyway and for awhile it   
was good between us, but then Adam's real father suddenly decided he   
wanted to be in the picture and it caused a lot of strain in our marriage." 

        "That must have been very difficult for you," Tess offered as Barara   
waved them to sit at the kitchen table as she put the kettle on. 

        "It was very hard," she admitted, reluctantly. "I loved Damien with all   
my heart, being with Albert had been a mistake that I paid for." She looked   
horrified for a moment. "Oh, that didn't come out right at all! I don't mean I   
regretted having Adam, I would never consider that. He was my son." She   
shook her head as she moved her petite body to reach up for the cups in the   
cupboard above her. 

        Ray automatically moved behind her and pulled the dishes down, since   
it was a stretch for her to reach them. It was something he had done often   
enough growing up, especially once he hit that growth spurt at fourteen and   
shot well past her in height. 

        She smiled at him, surprised. "Thank you, honey." 

        Ray lowered his eyes and moved back to his chair, again resisting the   
urge to just put his arms around her and hug her hard. He didn't think he   
would miss such an ordinary thing as being able to show affection to his   
Mother, whom he adored. 

        "Anyway," Barbara continued as she went about preparing the tea.   
"Damien still treated Adam as his own son, but when Albert came into the   
picture, it put pressure on our marriage. Damien wanted a son of his flesh   
and blood and we tried for many years." Her shoulders slumped in defeat.   
"Then Albert decided he'd had enough of fatherhood and dissappeared again, we never told Adam about it, he was really too young to remember. He just knew Damien as his dad." She sighed. "Anyway, Damien and I finally gave up on having another child and there seemed to be a wall between us ever since." She glanced over at Ray thoughtfully. "It's funny, but you look like what I used to imagine our son would, if we had been more fortunate." 

        "Do I?" Ray whispered, unable to look away from her as she   
approached him, slowly. She nodded and reached out to caress his cheek   
then, ruffled his hair. 

        "You have your Damien's hair and my eyes," she murmured and Ray   
held his breath. Barbara suddenly pulled herself out of her daydream and   
stepped back, embarrassed. "I...I mean if he and I had a son he...he might   
look like you." 

        "I'm sorry," Ray swallowed, guiltily and she shot him a bewildered   
look. 

        "Whatever for?" she eased, smiling. "You can't help what you look   
like. You are very handsome though, I would've hoped my Stanley would   
have been as handsome." She sighed, wistfully. "I already had his name   
picked out. I was so convinced I would have a boy I never even considered   
names for a girl." 

        "A Brando fan," Ray murmured and she nodded startled. 

        "Why yes, how did you know?" she smiled. "'A Street car Named   
Desire' was one of the first films Damien and I ever went to see together and   
I fell in love with the character Marlon Brando played. I kept envisioning my son growing up just like that, only without the fast cars and smoking, of course." 

        "You would have been disappointed," Ray stated, demurely and   
Barbara shook her head. 

        "Oh, I don't think so," she protested. "I mean, I didn't want him to be   
just like that." She smiled again. "I just thought Brando played a very vulnerable and sensitive young man, I wanted my Stanley to be like that. To not be afraid to show love for someone." She winked at Tess. "To worship the ground I walk on, of course." 

        "He does," Ray whispered but only Tess heard him. He rose suddenly.   
"We...We have to go." 

        Barbara frowned. "So soon?" Ray could see she regretted having to be   
alone in the house with just her husband's company once again. "You   
haven't had your tea. 

        "Perhaps another time," Tess suggested, optimistically as Barbara   
walked them back through the living room. 

        Ray paused and glanced at his father, who hadn't moved from his   
position. On impulse he moved forward and extended his hand to the older   
man. 

        "It was very nice to meet you...Sir," he offered as Damien cast him a   
startled look. "Thank you for allowing us into your...home." 

        Damien set his paper aside and stared at him, suspiciously. Then he   
grasped Ray's hand firmly. 

        "Good grip you have there, son," he offered gruffly. "Nice hair." 

        Ray closed his eyes briefly at the praise then met the older man's gaze   
again.  He was still trying to deal with the fact that his brother was only his half brother. He and Adam had always fought for their father's attention, now Ray understood why. Ray was jealous because he thought as first born, his father loved Adam more. However, it seemed Damien was just trying to love them both equally. 

        "Thank you," Ray returned, trying to contain his churning emotions. He   
didn't want to leave them, but what choice did he have? 

        Barbara Kowalski seemed torn between wanting to kiss the young   
stranger that had come to their door and being thought insane to do so.   
Finally, she contented herself with a gentle pat to Ray's cheek and a   
comment that they could come and visit again if they wished. Tess also said   
goodbye and then they were both outside once again. 

        Ray looked back as his Mother a final time, then slowly started down   
the steps. He noticed that Tess was no where in sight and he made a   
frustrated noise low in his throat. 

        "Somebody better get back down here and talk to me!" he cried,   
glaring up at the darkened sky above him. "I want some answers or I...I'm   
gonna start kickin' some heads! Angels or not!" 

        Monica appeared beside him a moment later. 

        "You really shouldn't talk that way, Ray," she scolded, gently as he   
turned to glare at her. 

        "Where's my partner?" he demanded, darkly. "Where is Fraser? What   
did you do to him and to Frannie?" His eyes glistened, suspiciously. "What   
did you do to Ma? What kind of an Angel are you to cause so much pain?" 

        Monica shook her head. "I have done nothing, Ray. God granted your   
wish, the circumstances you are experiencing is a direct result of that wish." 

        Ray shook his head. "That is bull shit. I...I can see some...some of it   
maybe but there is no way all of this is caused by me not being here. I'm not   
that important." He stalked down the street, angrily knocking his fist against   
the fence posts as he passed. 

        "Everyone is important, Ray," Monica assured. "Everyone makes a   
difference, no matter how big or how small. God created you to make a   
difference, just as he has created others to guide your path. Not all changes   
are good, not all are instantly recognized, but they happen just the same." 

        "This is wrong," Ray insisted, distressed. He paused to lean against the   
cement wall of a cemetery and folded his arms defensively across his chest.   
"What about...what about all the things I screwed up? I...what about little   
Teressa, her killer will never be brought to justice because I wasn't good   
enough to build a better case against him." 

        "Ray, let me show you something," Monica offered and handed him a   
newspaper. 

        Ray unfolded it and glanced over the front page, which showed the   
beady-eyed Cahill, whom had been running for State's Attorney just a few   
months ago, accepting the seat as mayor of Chicago. He shook his head in   
disbelief. This guy was so crooked he had to screw his socks on. This was   
the guy that had tried to frame Ray for murdering one of his own snitches.   
He and Fraser had figured...He paused and cast look of realization toward   
Monica. 

        If Ray wasn't there then Fraser wouldn't have been there to defend him   
and uncover this jerk's corruption and void his desire to make States   
Attorney. Cahill had not been revealed and had now made it to the mayor's   
seat. Chicago was basically in the grips of a power hungry monster. 

        He slapped the paper against his leg in disgust. His city, the city Ray   
loved and was devoted to protecting, was in the hands of this ferret-faced   
weasel. That was so wrong, but still Ray couldn't comprehend that such a   
drastic change would be made without him in the picture. It just didn't seem   
possible. 

        He gave Monica back the paper and turned around to grip the wall,   
his knuckles turning white as he tried to deal with all he had learned. His   
eyes wavered toward the headstone directly in front of him and he felt the   
nausea well up inside him as his body began to shake, uncontrollably. 

        "No!" he cried, hoarsely as he stared at the name printed across it.   
Beth Botrelle Born 1954 died 1998. "She...she can't be!" He shook his   
head, frantically. " You said...I wasn't there." He cast Monica a desperate   
look. "I wasn't there to screw up, to...to not read the note I..." 

        Monica offered him a sympathetic look. Her heart went out to him, to   
the pain and mental anguish he was suffering, but she had to believe there   
was a reason for what he was going through. Still, it didn't stop the tears of   
sadness welling up in her eyes at Ray's torment. 

        "No, you weren't the one that arrived on the scene," she confirmed,   
quietly. "However, another officer made exactly the same mistake you did,   
Ray. Only he never questioned her guilt and so no one proved that she   
didn't kill her husband. No one remembered the note and no one   
investigated." 

        "And no one saved her," Ray whispered, tragically. "No one believed   
in her. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I...I can't take this anymore." He   
turned and gripped her arms, desperately. "Where's Fraser? What the hell   
did I do to him? Please, tell me, I...I can't..." 

        "You lookin' for Constable Benton Fraser?" a gruff voice asked. 

        Ray spun around, startled. A very aged and scruffy looking Harding Welsh stood there, his eyes bloodshot and his large beefy hand wrapped shakily around the bottle of booze he had in the paper sack. He wore only a torn sweat shirt and jeans to guard against the bitter cold. 

        "Talk to yourself often?" the Lieutenant taunted. 

        "W...what?" Ray asked, dumfounded. He turned back and found   
Monica gone again. He returned his attention to his former superior. "Sir,   
what...what are you doing out here without a coat on?" 

        "Don't need it," Welsh slurred and Ray reached a hand to steady him.   
Welsh grinned and held up his bag. 'This keeps me warm." His eyes   
narrowed on Kowalski. "How you know Big Red?" 

        "I...I worked with him," Ray stated and Welsh's eyes became even   
sharper, more like his old self. 

        "Only one I knew of him workin' with was Vecchio," he leaned closer   
to get a better look at Ray and almost knocked the detective over with the   
smell of alcohol. "You ain't Vecchio." He shrugged. "Nobody's Vecchio   
anymore, not even Vecchio." 

        "Yeah, I...I heard about..." Ray shook his head. "I was sorry to hear   
you...about your job, Sir." 

        "You ever work for me, son?" Welsh demanded and Ray nodded.   
"Hmmm, don't remember your face and I'm good at rememberin' people."   
He belched and took another swig of his drink. "Gotta be good at   
rememberin' people...readin' people in my line of work." He shook his head   
morosely. "Had a good crew I did, but no more. Nope, no more." Another   
long swallow of the whisky and he continued. "One bad apple is all it took." 

        "Do...do you know what happened to Fraser, Sir?" Ray asked,   
hesitantly. 

        With everything else he had learned he wasn't sure he wanted to know.   
However, the Mountie was a different thing all together. Control and justice   
was his life, Ray doubted their not being partners could have affected the   
Canadian that differently. 

        "Well, no one really knows what happened to him," Welsh muttered,   
 regretfully. "He went crazy when he heard that his partner was killed. He   
changed...I mean really changed. Vecchio was his one real friend I guess   
and..." Welsh shrugged. "A body can only take so much loss, I suppose.   
The Constable didn't have any other family and Ray Vecchio seemed to be   
the only one he let get close to him. Guess when he lost Ray, he felt too alone to go on." 

        Welsh took another long drink and almost fell over backwards but Ray   
caught him. The older man shivered slightly and ray removed his jacket and   
draped it over the Lieutenant. It didn't fit him, Welsh was too big in the   
shoulders, but it covered him enough to ward off some of the chill. 

        "Fraser got really pissed," Welsh continued, with a hint of surprise in   
his voice. "He tried to take down the people that killed Vecchio, all on his   
own. We were worried he'd be killed or end up in jail, he was just   
so...angry." Welsh shrugged again but Ray watched the older man's eyes   
become more alert as he spoke of their friend. "Anyway, he did managed to   
bring quite a few of the men to justice, not all of them made it back alive."   
Ray's eyes widened in shock. "After that, Fraser disappeared. We never   
heard what happened to him." 

        "My God!" Ray hissed in disbelief. Fraser? His Fraser, going on a   
rampage after those who had killed Vecchio? That didn't sound like the   
Mountie at all. But, even if Fraser did do all that Welsh said, where was he   
now? Was he dead, or did he go back to Canada? 

        "Sometimes being alone is the worse hell you can imagine," Welsh   
commented. "I guess the Constable just couldn't handle being alone again."   
Ray nodded weakly and again reached out to steady the Lieutenant. "Well,   
nice talkin' to ya, gotta go now. Things to do." 

        Ray watched him go and again found himself fighting a terrible ache   
inside his heart and a wave of dizziness. He dropped to his knees and cried   
out for Monica and she appeared a moment later. 

        "I take it back," he sobbed as she held him. "I was wrong. This is   
wrong. Please, tell God I don't want my wish anymore. I want to live,   
Monica, please let me take it back." 

        "Hush now," she soothed as she rocked him. "Close your eyes, Ray. It   
will be all right. Just close your eyes. Remember God loves you. Many   
people love you and you are very, very important. And you are never alone.   
God is always with you." 

        "Yes," he murmured drowsily. "I'll remember, Monica. I'm   
important...I... I'm...loved...not alone."   
  

                 \------------------------------- 

        "Ray! Ray! Ray!" the voice was calling to him from a very fuzzy tunnel   
outside the Detective's brain and he struggled to find it. "Ray, can you hear   
me, Ray? Please wake up, Ray. You...you have to wake up." 

        "Come'on, Honey," another voice encouraged and again Ray searched   
his memory for who it belonged to. "It's almost Christmas, baby. Please,   
Stanley, wake up and let Mum see those beautiful baby blues." 

        "Mum," he groaned and finally managed to open his eyes. He was   
startled, when he finally focused, to find his parents, Lieutenant Welsh,   
Francesca Vecchio and of course Fraser hovering over him. 

        He was in a private room at one of the hospitals. His chest was bare   
but he still had on his jeans, so he couldn't have been bandaged very badly   
His gaze fell on the familiar silver bracelet that he wore and his watch on the   
otehr wrist. he was back! 

        Barbara and Fraser exclaimed, simultaneously. 

        "Stanley!" 

        "Ray!" 

        "I told you he'd come around," Welsh snorted from the back. "His   
head's too hard to damage properly." 

        "Sir!" Ray exclaimed. "You're sober!" 

        Welsh eyes him, concerned. 

        "Well, I admit I had a glass of egg nog at the station, Detective, but I'm   
currently stable, yeah." 

        Ray grinned in delight and wrapped his arms around his Mother,   
excitedly. 

        "I thought you guys were in Arizona?" 

        "We decided we see Adam and his kids every year," Barbara replied.   
"We wanted to spend Christmas with you, this year. It's been awhile since   
we've been together for the holidays as a family. I hope you don't mind,   
Honey."   
    
        Ray just hugged her harder, but was careful not to hurt her smaller   
frame with his strength.  He would keep the secret of his brother until his folks decided to tell him, if they ever did. If not, it didn't matter, he would never be jealous of Adam again. He would still love him as a brother, but Ray felt special now. He had been the one his parants had tried so hard for and his birth had made all the difference in their marriage. 

        "Oh, Mum, I do worship you. You're the best Mum a guy can have.  I'm so glad you and dad decided to have me and that you named me after your favorite character. I promise to try and be a better son to you." 

        Barbara Kowalski laughed at her son's devotion. 

        "That's sweet Stanley, but you're already the best son I could ask for." 

        "You mean that?" 

        "We both do, Son," Damien assured, reaching over to ruffle Ray's   
head, affectionately. "Your hair held up, anyway." 

        Ray gave him a look of such love and devotion that both men ended up blushing. 

        "I love you, Dad," he told him, seriously and Damien blinked,   
suspiciously. He cleared his throat. 

        "Yes, well, obviously that knock to the head has him a little   
disorriented," he decided and tugged on his wife's arm. "Let's go tell the   
Doctor your son is finally awake." 

        Barbara cast him a gently, scolding look. 

        "And I suppose if he had woken up and said something macho like, how's it hangin' Dad, he'd be your son?" 

        "You see, you can teach an old dog new tricks," he teased her as they   
stepped into the hall. Barbara chuckled and gave him a playful shove. 

        "Who are you calling old?" she demanded. "My bones don't creak   
every time I move." 

        Ray watched them fondly until they disappeared from his view, then he   
turned his attention back to the others. Francesca stepped up and smirked   
at him. 

        "Are you gonna be like, all weird and everything now, just because you   
got a little bump on that thick skull of yours?" she inquired, saucily. She was   
shocked when Ray grabbed her smooth, beautiful face in his hands and   
kissed her. 

        "Never change, Frannie," he requested, softly. "You're perfect just the   
way you are." Francesca blushed prettily and punched his arm playfully. 

        "You did get hit hard, didn't you?" she observed, wryly. "Want some   
coffee?"  He nodded, still smiling at her. "Okay well....I'll...um, I'll go get   
some." She sauntered out and Welsh went with her. 

        "I'm so glad you finally woke up, Ray," Fraser admitted, relieved. "You   
had us all very worried." 

        "I thought you were in Canada?" Ray inquired, softly, unable to stop   
staring at his partner and friend, fondly. 

        "Well, I had decided to go," Fraser confessed, nervously as he pulled   
at the collar of his ivory pull over. "I was looking forward to spending time in   
my father's cabin. However, I was almost to the plane when I felt I was   
forgetting something very important." 

        "Dief?" Ray teased and Fraser smirked. 

        "No, actually he had decided to stay with Turnbull while I was gone." 

        "Then what?" 

        Ray watched Fraser's thumb move up to caress his right eyebrow,   
anxiously. He waited patiently for his friend to continue, knowing it was   
never easy for the Mountie to say what he was feeling. 

        "Well, it...it was... you Ray," he finally stated and Ray smiled in   
pleasant surprise. 

        "Are you saying ya would have missed having me around, Fraser?" he   
asked, innocently. 

        "Always, Ray," Fraser asserted. "It wouldn't be Christmas with out you   
there, as my partner and my...friend." 

        Ray reached for Fraser's hand and pulled him forward for an awkward   
hug. 

        "You remember that, Buddy," he whispered in the Mountie's ear. "I'm   
always here, no matter what, and you'll never be alone. Neither of us ever   
has to be alone again, okay?" 

        Fraser nodded, squeezed Ray briefly and straightened. His eyes   
looked suspiciously bright but Ray refrained from commenting. He   
suspected his own eyes were swimming with moisture as well. 

        "Thank you, kindly, Ray," Fraser offered, his voice just a shade huskier   
than normal. He cleared it a second later and continued. "Do you remember   
what happened, Ray?" 

        "Um..." Ray tried to connect what was real and what was not but his   
mind was drawing a blank. He was sure that Monica and Tess had been   
real and that he had been given a second chance to reevaluate his life and do   
things right. "Something about a bus?" 

        "Yes," Fraser nodded. "There was ice on the bridge, apparently and   
the two of you almost collided. Luckily, you managed to swerve away from   
the bus and the children were uninjured." 

        Ray suddenly bolted upright. 

        "My car!" 

        "It has some minor damage to the front end, Ray," Fraser confessed,   
soothingly. "But the bridge rail held up, thank God, and so you didn't slide   
over." He shuddered. "Just the idea that you could have been..." Fraser   
closed his eyes. 

        Ray was touched by his concern. He reached a hand out and squeezed   
Fraser's fingers. "But I didn't. Life goes on and I'm okay, Buddy." 

        Fraser opened his eyes again and returned the squeeze. "Yes, Ray.   
Someone must have been looking out for you this night." 

        Ray smiled as he thought of Tess and Monica. 

        "Oh yeah, " he agreed, chuckling and releasing the Mountie's hand. "So the kids weren't hurt at all?" 

        "They were a little shaken up, but overall they were fine." Fraser   
confirmed. "Interestingly enough I have some good news for you." 

        "Oh yeah?" 

        "Well, the driver of the bus had managed to call in the accident and   
while they waited he had gone to check on you. Your head was bleeding   
and he claimed you were slumped against the wheel unconscious." Ray lifted   
a hand to his bandaged head and shrugged. It hurt, but not a lot. "Luckily   
the man was only filling in as a driver and is a licensed paramedic, so he   
took very good care of you until the ambulance arrived." 

        "So what's the good news?" he pressed and Fraser almost smiled. 

        "Well, he said he knew you were a police officer because he had met   
you when you were a still a rookie." 

        "Oh yeah?" 

        "Yes," Fraser confirmed, his eyes dancing in his eagerness to tell Ray   
the story, but he was deliberately holding back. 

        "And?" the Detective finally insisted, impatiently as, Fraser knew he   
would. 

        "The young man noticed the photo of Garret Tiddwell in the car beside   
you. I take it you were brooding over it?" 

        Ray frowned and shrugged. "Something like that, yeah," he admitted.   
"What's that got to do with this driver?" 

        "Well, apparently he recognized Tidwell as someone that he had seen   
about a week ago after responding to a call at the play ground on Dover." 

        Ray sat forward, anxiously. He remembered there had been a heart   
attack victim. Tidwell's lawyers had used the excuse to cast doubt on their   
eyewitness' testimony. 

        Fraser continued. 

        "He also recalled seeing a young girl, about ten years old, with long brown hair and wearing a red parka and blue scarf had also been at the park that day." 

        Ray's heart leapt and he grabbed Fraser's shoulder. 

        "What? Tell me, damnit!" 

        "The young man confirmed that, during the confusion of them trying to   
deal with the heart attack victim, that the same girl got into Mr. Tidwell's   
vehicle; a 1977 black Chevy Pickup. He claimed it had fled his mind when   
the man they had resuscitated flat lined again." 

        "Did he confirm it was Teresa?" Ray demanded as hope sprang into his   
heart and dizziness overtook him, simultaneously. Fraser nodded. 

        "From the photographs the driver confirmed it was Teresa Wallace   
and we also located the truck at a junkyard a few miles from the park,"   
Fraser explained. "Apparently Tidwell dumped it there and didn't think   
anyone would notice. Lieutenant Welsh had a forensics team investigate   
thoroughly and they found all the evidence they will need to convict Mr.   
Tiddwell of Teresa's murder. 

        "Yes!" Ray crowed as Welsh and Francesca returned. "Oh God that is   
the best news in the world!" 

        "Ah, I see the Constable filled you in," Welsh commented as   
Francesca handed Ray his coffee. "Since we pretty much have Tiddwell   
over a barrel, he decided to drop the charged against you and you've been   
reinstated." 

        Welsh offered Ray his badge and gun, which the Detective accepted gratefully. He thanked Francesca for the coffee and set it on the table next to him, then swung his legs over the side and reached for his shirt. 

        "Where the hell do you think you're going?" the Lieutenant demanded. 

        "I feel fine," Ray assured, even as his parents returned with the doctor.   
"I feel great, better than great." 

        "Detective, Vecchio," the Doctor protested as Ray leapt off the bed   
and reached for his boots. "You received twelve stitches in your head and   
have a possible concussion and..." 

        "I've had lots worse, Doc," Ray returned and shrugged into his holster   
harness. He glanced outside and saw that the sun was just rising for   
Christmas Morning. "Pitter patter, Benton Buddy. The day's getting away   
from us. Lots to do" 

        "Ray, it's barely six Am," Fraser protested, surprised at his friend's   
sudden energy. 

        "Exactly," Ray agreed as he placed his badge in his pocket and his gun   
in his holster. "Which means we'll have an edge on the bad guy's Frase." 

        "Ray, you aren't working, Christmas!" Francesca cried, in disbelief. 

        "Just for a few hours," Ray assured, pulling on his jacket. "I've got a   
real good feeling we can make a big difference today." He bent to kiss his   
Mother's cheek. "Be at my place around noon and I'll make us dinner." 

        "Why Sta...Ray," she amended in front of the Doctor. "You're going   
to cook for us?" 

        "Sure am," he confirmed and winked at Francesca. "Invitation for   
Christmas supper at your house still open, Frannie?" She gapped at him and   
nodded. "Me and Frase'll be there." He turned to his partner. "Com'on,   
slow poke, time's a waistin'." 

        Fraser offered everyone a perplexing look and followed his partner   
out. Ray bent and kissed the bonnet of his car as they stepped outside. The   
front end was a little dented, but could easily be repaired. Diefenbaker was   
waiting eagerly inside for them.   
    
  

              \---------------------------------------- 

        Fraser watched his partner, intently as they drove to an all night   
grocery and Ray picked up a fresh ham and some trimmings for dinner.   
They had been to the station and Ray's energy and new state of mind   
succeeded in them getting through quite a bit of his case load and achieving   
fresh deductions on ones that they had been stuck on. They apprehended   
three of the suspects required and the rest Ray said they would do on   
Monday. 

        Ray's good cheer was infectious and a welcome change form the   
gloomy mood Ray had been in earlier in the week. The Detective was   
cracking jokes to make Fraser laugh, sparing with Diefenbaker and singing   
along with the Christmas carols that piped through the car stereo. 

        Fraser had an alternative reason for staying in Chicago for the holidays.   
Ray had all the signs of a deep depression and he knew how hard his   
partner was taking the case with Teresa Wallace. Fraser's intuition warned   
him that the Detective shouldn't be alone and so he had canceled his flight   
and gone in search of his friend. 

        He was at the station with Welsh, when the call came in about Ray's   
accident and they had rushed to the scene. All manner of scenarios had run   
through Fraser's mind on the way and he was so relieved to see his partner   
was not badly injured he almost wept with relief. 

        He didn't know what he would do if he lost Ray, the blond had   
become closer to him than Fraser every imagined anyone would be, even   
Ray Vecchio. He hadn't really thought Ray would do harm to himself, but he   
did know that the brash and impulsive Detective was highly unpredictable   
when his emotions were over charged; as they had been all this week. 

        He hadn't lied when he told Ray his reason for staying. Fraser truly   
couldn't imagine going back to Canada, alone and without his friend beside   
him. The fact that Ray had seemed to grasp the one thing that the Mountie   
feared most had stunned Fraser. He saw through Fraser's rigid control to   
the desperate man beneath, terrified of being alone and unloved for the rest   
of his life. 

        Fraser had been close to tears twice now in the last twenty-four hours.   
Although, he should feel ashamed for allowing his emotions to take control,   
he could only feel relief and a sense of wonderment about it all. No one had   
been able to evoke the kind of feelings Ray Kowalski seemed able to stir   
inside him with just a look or a smile. Nor had anyone made Fraser   
conformable enough to express those feelings. He thanked God for Ray,   
Kowalski. 

        "Frase, could you bring this stuff on up to my place and I'll be there in   
just a minute," Ray requested when they arrived at his building. 

        "Certainly, Ray," Fraser agreed, accepting the bags and heading up the   
pristine stairwell as Ray stopped at the second floor and headed for his land   
lady's apartment. 

        Ray could hear Christmas music coming from inside so he knocked   
loudly on the door. A moment later, the petite, but portly woman answered.   
Her face brightened at the sight of him. 

        "Detective!" she greeted, merrily. "Well, Merry Christmas, but your   
rent isn't do until next week." 

        "Not here for that," Ray assured as she allowed him inside. He glanced   
over her festive lounger and the small TV tray that held an untouched frozen   
dinner. "That your meal for Christmas?" 

        "Oh well," Mrs. Petty blushed and fidgeted. "It's just me and I don't eat   
much you see and..." 

        "Never mind that," he dismissed, with a special smile just for her. "Go   
put on your best Christmas outfit, toss that junk in the trash and meet me up   
at my place at noon." 

        "Oh....did...is something broken?" she asked concerned. "I...I don't   
know if I can get anyone here..." 

        Ray shook his head, still smiling. 

        "Nothing's broken and you know if it is I take care of it. You go get dressed and meet me at my place, at twelve okay?" 

        "Well...al...all right, Detective..." 

        "Ray, Mrs. P." he corrected gently and she blushed happily. "See you   
in two hours, don't doodle now." He bent to kiss her cheek. "Merry   
Christmas." 

        Mary Petty watched her handsome tenant leave and reached up to   
touch the spot where he kissed her, in wonder. She glanced at her cat who   
had observed the scene quietly from his perch in the window sill. 

        "Well, it looks like I have a date, Mr. Humphry," she commented,   
delighted. "What a wonderful Christmas this is turning out to be. He's such a   
sweet young man, so much like I imagined my own son to be..." 

        Mr. Humphry listened to her chatter, tolerantly and had Mrs. Petty   
stayed in the room with him, she might have seen the satisfying, feline smile   
that spread across his regal features.   
  

 --------------------------

    Ray had prepared the majority of the dinner, then they had a an extra thirty minutes before their guests arrived so they took Dief for a quick walk around the block. Ray scooped up snow from the hood of a parked car as he passed, while Dief frolicked in a snow bank chasing squirls. 

    "Ya know what they say, Fraser?" the Detective commented as he snapped the snow between his gloved hands. 

    "What's that, Ray?" Fraser returned, politely. 

    "All work and no play makes for a really dull Mountie," Ray smirked. 

    "Actually, Ray," Fraser corrected. "I believe the proper wording is..." Fraser glanced down startled, as the snowball hit the front of his leather jacket. He wiped at the cold powder absently and continued. "All work and no play makes..." Another snowball bounced off his right shoulder and he raised an eyebrow at his partner 

        "Confucius say," the blond decreed as he formed another round missile. "Man who talk to much makes perfect target." 

        "Confucius never said that, Ray," Fraser ammended, neatly dodging the next assault and reaching to scoop up a handful of snow in retaliation. 

        "Sure he did," Ray assured, backing up slightly, while continuing to shape the ball in his hand. "Confucius Kowalski, great uncle on my Dad's side." Fraser's lips twitched suspiciously. 

        "I should warn you, Ray," he offered, kindly as he again dodged the ball Ray threw at him. "If you continue to pursue this juvenile past time, I remind you that I am a proud Canadian." His eyes narrowed, dangerously and twinkled like saphires in amusement. "We take no prisoners." 

        "Ah, you're all talk!" Ray taunted and landed his next attack on Fraser's chest again. 

        Ray released a quick burst of laughter when he felt the icy cold of Fraser's snowball catch him just below the neck, immediately soaking a spot through his heavy gray sweatshirt. He barely dodged the one aimed at his head and darted toward the bank where Dief was playing for more ammunition. 

        "Hey! watch the hair!" 

        Fraser only grinned at the war was on with Diefenbaker barking encouragement at them. 

  --------------------------

  


        Fraser finished setting the table as Ray finished up with the vegetables.   
The ham had been precooked, but it was still quite delicious. Both men had   
split a small portion to check it after they had reheated it. It wasn't gourmet,   
but it was the best Ray could do on short notice. 

        They had changed clothes after their escapade outside, because they had both been covered in snow by the time it was done.  Luckily Fraser had some extra clothes at Ray's appartment. 

        After each consecutively dodging the other's fire, Fraser had tackled Ray and tried to bury him in the snow. His partner was not one to give up easily and Ray's sinewy strength and speed retaliated full force; covering the Mountie with as much snow as Ray had been doused with. It left them both in great spirits afterwards. 

        Fraser should have been appaled at their behavior, after all they were two grown men rolling around in the snow. But, the Mountie had enjoyed himself too much to bother feeling guilty and he knew Ray was the only person that he could feel comfortable enough playing with so openly. The Detective would never judge him, only encourage him to play a little harder next time. 

        A knock sounded and Fraser went to let their guests in. Barbara and   
Damien entered and he took their coats and the Christmas' packages they   
had brought with them. Ray had only a small table top tree so Fraser slid the   
packages under there as best he could. He wanted to keep them out of   
Diefenbaker's reach as well. 

        Barbara gave him a hello kiss then went to help her son in the kitchen   
as the buzzer sounded again. Fraser opened the door and smiled at Mrs.   
Petty, dressed in a pretty red and green dress with tiny silver sparkles   
overlaid in it. She had fixed her hair and even wore make-up. 

        Ray was discussing the dinner rolls with his Mother. 

        "I didn't know how long to put them in for," he said, and glanced over as his landlady entered. He smiled at her. "Hey, Mrs.Petty. These are my parents, Damien and Barbara, ya already know my partner, Fraser." 

        "Nice to meet you," Damien offered helping the woman off with her   
coat, while Fraser caught hold of Diefenbaker to keep him from jumping on   
the older woman. "Merry Christmas. We're happy to have you here." 

        "It's a pleasure," Mrs. Petty assured, in delight and cast an affectionate   
look toward Ray, who had resumed speaking with his Mother. "Looks like   
the apple doesn't fall from the tree with this one." 

        Damien chuckled and regarded his son, fondly. 

        "Yep, he's definitely mine, all right Got my brains, y'know?" 

        Ray had heard the comment and he smiled at his father, no longer   
afraid to show how he felt to the older man. 

        "Aren't I the lucky then that I got Mum's looks." 

        Every one chuckled and Mary Petty knelt to greet Diefenbaker   
appropriately, despite Fraser's apology for the wolf's behavior. She and   
Damien settled on the sofa, after Ray and Barbara both declined their offer   
for help. 

        "Kitchen's barely big enough for the two of us," Ray joked as he   
handed Fraser the bottle of wine Damien had brought. "Here, Buddy make   
yourself useful." He turned back to his Mother. "I'm glad I paid attention to   
all those dinners you cooked, Mum." 

        "If you hadn't, you and Stella would have starved, honey," she laughed then immediately regretted her words when she saw the worried expression transform her son's face. "I'm sorry, baby," 

        "What?" he asked, dazed. 

        "I didn't mean to bring up Stella, I know you're still hurting..." 

        "What, oh, no no, Mum," Ray assured as he pulled down the wine   
glasses for Fraser to fill. "You just reminded me of something, I have to   
make a phone call. Can you watch the sauce and I'll be right back." 

        Barbara watched him grab his cordless phone off the machine and   
head into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

        "Hello?" Stella Kowalski answered after the third ring. 

        "Hi, Stell," Ray greeted, softly. "Merry Christmas." He heard her sigh. 

        "Ray I'm not going to spend Christmas with you, it's over..." she began   
automatically and he couldn't help smiling. 

        "I know that, Stella," he interrupted. "I'm not calling to pester you, just   
to wish you a Merry Christmas." There was a long silence. 

        "Oh, well...Merry Christmas to you too, Ray." 

        "See, not so hard was it?" he teased." 

        Immediately her back was up again. 

        "Ray," she warned and he bit his lip. 

        "I'm sorry," he amended quickly. "Really, Stell, I just want...I just   
hope you have a good Christmas." 

        Stella's tone softened. 

        "Thank you, Ray. You too." 

        "I...I also wanted to say that...well, Stella. I..I know things didn't turn   
out very good between us..." 

        "Ray..." 

        Ray pressed forward. 

        "But I...I just wanted you to know that regardless of all that other stuff, I don't regret a thing and I would do it all over again just to have...just to have you the way you are. You're a wonderful, intelligent and courageous woman, Stell and it's been my...privilege to have been...apart of your life, for however long." 

        "Oh Ray," Stella sighed, her earlier irritation replaced with a wonderful   
defeat. "You're just as wonderful and...you still mean very much to me. I...I   
don't know what I would have done without you as my friend and my   
confidant." 

        "I'm glad you never have to find out, sweetheart," Ray said, quietly. "I   
loved you then, I love you still. Always remember that. Merry Christmas,   
baby." 

        "Merry Christmas, Ray," Stella almost sobbed and he could hear the   
tears in her voice. "Ray?" He waited. "You...what are you doing for   
Christmas?" 

        Ray smiled, touched at her concern. 

        "I'm cooking dinner for Fraser my folks and a friend." 

        "Oh, oh good that's....that's good, Ray," she breathed relieved. "I...I   
just didn't want you to be...alone on Christmas." 

        Ray's smile deepened as he thought about Monica and Tess. 

        "None of us are really alone, Stell. Not as long as we continue to make a difference and have people that care about us. And God, God loves us too, Stella, we can't be alone with Him watching us." 

        "Ray, are...are you okay?" Stella inquired puzzled. She'd never heard   
her husband speak that way. 

        "I'm better than okay, Stell," he assured. "I'm here, alive and kickin'. Take care. I have to go finish dinner." 

        "You...you take care too, Ray," Stella stammered and Ray smiled   
again before ending the call. 

        He returned to the living area and found that his Mother and Fraser   
had started to dish up the meal. 

        "Hey, Fraser," Ray asked as he set the plate of ham that his father had   
carved in the center of the table. 

        "Yes, Ray?" 

        "You said that guy, the paramedic that ID'd Tidwell, he knew me?" 

        "Yes, Ray, so he claimed." 

        "Where from, did he say?" Ray asked as he they finished laying the   
table and he held out a chair for Mrs. Petty. "Did I, like give him a ticket or   
something?" 

        "Why no, Ray," Fraser denied as he set the bowl with Dief's serving on   
the floor in the kitchen then returned to the table. "The young man's name   
was Todd Fincher and told me that you were responsible for him becoming   
a paramedic in the first place." 

        The name sounded oddly familiar but Ray couldn't place it. 

        "Me?" he inquired, surprised. "How's that?" 

        "Well, Todd said he had met you about nine or ten years ago, in a   
ware house I believe it was." Fraser watched Ray's eyes widen in disbelief.   
"He said you saved him from a man who had kidnapped him. You were   
wounded during the scenario, but still managed to bring him to safety. He   
said he always felt guilty for your being hurt on his account and that he   
couldn't do anything for you." Fraser smiled. "So he became a paramedic to   
make sure that he could help the next brave soul he encountered." 

        Ray stared at him in shock and Tess's words came back to him. 

**"Everyone makes a difference, no matter how big or how small. God**   
**created you to make a difference, just as he has created others to**   
**guide your path. Not all changes are good, not all are instantly**   
**recognized, but they happen just the same."**

        Ray, on a routine call, learned about a young boy being held in a   
warehouse by a violent gunman. The kid had been walking home from the   
mall and had been forced inside by the gunman. Ray had risked everything   
to slip inside, wrestle the man himself and get the boy out safely, despite   
being wounded in the process. It had been his first commendation and Ray   
couldn't had forgotten the kid's name until now. 

        Now, almost ten years later, that same boy was a young man and had   
been driving a bus that Ray almost slid into at a time when he had been   
desperately close to giving up everything. The young man not only tended to   
his wounds, saving his life in return, but had also helped put the man behind   
jail that Ray had been so scared to have set free. 

        The boy could have died in that warehouse, but he didn't because of a   
brave and selfless act by a young rookie named Ray Kowalski. Todd had   
wanted to help others because Ray had once helped him. Fifteen minutes   
was the most Ray had spent with the child, yet Todd had remembered it and   
the experience had been life changing for him. He had now repaid Ray's   
kindness and the Detective simply couldn't get over the emotions that   
threatened to overwhelm him at this new realization. 

        He managed to compose himself, having to clear his throat a few times,   
and settled at the table with everyone else. Ray requested his father said the   
grace and afterwards Damien rose and lifted his glass in a toast before they   
ate. Even Fraser accepted some wine for the occasion. 

        "To good friends, warm hearts and dear family members," his eyes   
rested on his son, who was watching him intently. "I thank God that I have a   
wonderful and patient wife and for blessing us with two wonderful sons." He   
smirked. "Both different as night and day, but each man a father can be   
proud of to call his own. Merry Christmas." 

        Everyone echoed the sentiment and Fraser noticed the soft glow that   
had seemed to settle around his now quiet partner. He had never seen Ray   
so happy and content and he added a silent prayer to whoever had made   
such glad tidings possible. 

        Atop Ray's small tree, the small angel he had perched there turned into   
a gentle dove and flew away unnoticed.   
    
Please please please give me lots of   
FEEDBACK 

**MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!**   


   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  


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